It hit me one day, while watching “The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet” on Lifetime, that the new culture is 40. Not only having a baby at the age of 40, the transition that comes with entering this age is more than a notion. With re-entering the world of journaling, I shared with my over 40 friends my thoughts and feelings, and the journey was the same – men, business, children and sex. So why not blog about it…
40: Life After Birth! Happy Blogging…
After an observation and interaction with a young woman, this Friday in a professional situation, I realized how people don’t take responsibility when they have not held up their end and are the leadership. But worsens the situation, when people find an opportunity in that moment to use someone else issue to take away from their contribution to the chaos.
One of the definitions of Responsibility
the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
If you take the definition and don’t talk about the accountability that comes with responsibility, it will let you know why many walk away without accountability.
Accountability – an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
In my years personally and professionally, I have learned to learn in the moments when things are not handled at the best, whether it’s my fault or the other and admitting your contribution to the chaos. Most can respect when you step up and say “this was my fault” and offer how you are going to correct it or could improve the next time – being accountable. This does not mean there will not be some level of “tongue lashing” or consequences but very rare is the reaction and the bounce back from anger slow to surface or even subside – when there isn’t some other issue involved as well.
The ability to be teacher and participatory centered leader can make the difference when they are partnered together. The great collaboration of the two allows for the teacher to become an active participate who learns from the lesson as well; while he/she supports the learning, rather than just offering up the direction and walking away hoping the lesson is learned.
With this incident, the young woman walked away from participating in the lesson and didn’t take responsibility and accountability for her part; but did a wonderful job of passing on, speaking on and recounting the other sides issues.
How people learn is always a fascinating them to me and can make the difference and how character is or is not developed.
On LinkedIn, this week, a woman posed this question to a group of other women:
Why do women let fear drive them into staying with a job they hate instead of starting that business that they love?
With 399 comments, at least 50% were filled with the response about fear or they commented and fear was in their answer. Some felt it wasn’t fear but the security of letting go of the job and low self-esteem. Most of the women responding were in the 40 and older category, who seemed to be offering wisdom on the why with less excuses or reasons than others under 40.
I believe it comes down to self-doubt and security. Too often we are the only ones blocking ourselves from transitioning to a better place. When you are able to step out of your own way and quit holding yourself back, it is then that you truly have a breakthrough!
The point that made me most engaged and a bit pissed were the one’s that wanted to use “being a single mother” as why they can not start their own business. And I don’t agree that this is the reason, as I live in this world and I am an entrepreneur, but may be a challenge you face. Money can be a challenge in any business, whether you work or someone or own it. Family will always be a balancing act, whether you work for someone else or your self. But it you keep telling yourself that being a single mother accounts for having less than you deserve, I feel you do such a dis-service to yourself and others who are single mothers.
But what I do realize after 24 years in business, everyone isn’t meant to be an owner, and that is not a gender issue. Just have passion for whatever you are doing, that brings happiness and ultimately JOY!
If you have never done one, the 21 day meditation sessions, I highly recommend it. I have been taking part in this for almost 3 years and it’s what got me back into meditating daily…priceless. Begins 7/13/15. Enjoy ever moment.
FREE, 21-Day Meditation Experience
Happy 4th of July Everyone!
I find now that you see this bit of debate between the time frame in which someone can achieve success. The younger you are, you can make it in certain industries or careers; but as you get older the playing field isn’t balanced or even fair in treatment. I know that age discrimination is real! But how do or does it get exposed more or even shifted into more of an advantage for those that are aging?
I had a client this week, keep identifying his desire to hire someone who they felt needed to be young with energy. I understand it, as I told him, but seasoned with knowledge and the ability to help him get where he needs to be should be a criteria as well or at least have the same opportunity. In addition, some people are in career transition and are just as willing to learn, as the young person with impressionable minds or the eagerness to learn…so don’t leave them out.
I found this article which notes #celebrities and #models of all industries that didn’t do what we may consider great things or even just start their career until 40 – #VeraWang didn’t design her first dress until she was 40; Robin Chase cofounded #ZipCar at 42; and this list goes one.
As the article says “It’s Never Too Late!” Read Here
When I saw the preview for this movie, I thought it was a great way to introduce and shed some light on how little humans go through some of the same things we do as adults. Some facing things like depression. However, as I watched the trailer, I know that this is a movie that the parent and child want to see together. It can aide in a parent not ignoring the emotions of the his/her child; but also let the child see that these are not odd or not “normal” and that adults deal with it as well. This is edutainment at its’ best – a teachable moment! Enjoy it! #40lifeafterbirth
In the last month, I have either had conversations or seen interviews or over heard women talking about age. The surprising thing is even those considered younger, who one would think should not be concerned, are hiding their age. I have never understood why it was something not to share or celebrate. I have at times, tied my age to accomplishments but I have not used a delay in a goal to not embrace my age. I feel that age allows you to contrbute to another (wisdom, information, battle scars, etc.) for another woman or man.
Because I have experienced age discrimination in my career many times, I have to attest, this maybe the contributors. Based on peoples’ belief or non belief about where they are or should be; they bring in their own perceptions, really baggage, about you; and your fear of others view?
Regardless, I’ll continue to reveal my age, if I feel it’s needed or just because I’m glad for every year I am…#40LifeAfterBirth
I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Eric Maisel in January and he was and is amazing! Hearing him say that 99% of the people he coaches are not leading meaningful careers, let alone lives – I believe that go hand in hand with most – was a lot to process and saddening. He said to me that it’s hard to process, when someone like yourself, is. So when I found this article, I wanted to share it. It’s from someone who took his creativity course, Dr. Katharine Brooks.
Here are 3 of the 10 questions that stood out to me…the rest can be read here.
1. If I am not doing the work I’m intending to do, why am I not doing it?
This first questions hones in on the need for reflection. Why are you in the career you are in? Is it what you wanted or hoped for? If not, what would you prefer to do? Dr. Maisel would encourage you to face the anxiety that this question might produce.
6. Am I doing my own creating?
Whose career are you in? The one you selected or the one that was selected for you? Your college major, decision to go to law school, or going into the family business may have all been your idea—or perhaps you were influenced by someone else. It’s time to take a look at this. Go back to question #1—if your career isn’t working for you, maybe it’s because the reason you went into it isn’t valid for you anymore. Or maybe your career choice is fine, but you’re not doing enough for yourself. You might have taken a job in journalism because you love to write, but now you’re only writing what others want you to write. When/how do you find time to write for yourself?
8. What action will I engage in today in support of my creative life?
This question is fundamental. You can think about your job search or career change all you want. What are you going to do about it? What action (one small step) will you take today that might move you one step forward in the process?
Here’s to a meaningful life!
The dialog around what the outcomes are from worry, whether it’s a constant fixture in your life or one that comes like a wave and then goes – but returns; worry can be hard to shake and cause turmoil in one’s life.
I realized that before the age of 40 and a little one, I don’t remember this being something that I dealt with. Even being an entrepreneur, I would sometimes face the conflict around finances but not loosing sleep or pivoting into worrying about minor things that become major. But not putting this on parenting at all, but thyself. After getting use to worry for my child, I think worry tried to become comfortable in my house…something I didn’t realize or recognize until last week. And that was the best medicine for it, recognition. Why? I was able to acknowledge it and change my thinking. Now, I am changing my thinking – a level of reprogramming that I physically feel. NOW, for me, worry has no place here…work in progress. #40lifeafterbirth
British philosopher Alan Watts poses the question in his speech on worry, which he describes as “a mind in the grip of vicious circles.”