It hit me one day, while watching “The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet” on Lifetime, that the new culture is 40. Not only having a baby at the age of 40, the transition that comes with entering this age is more than a notion. With re-entering the world of journaling, I shared with my over 40 friends my thoughts and feelings, and the journey was the same – men, business, children and sex. So why not blog about it…
40: Life After Birth! Happy Blogging…
Happy New Year Everyone!
How time passes. Seems like the intention continues to be to write once a week and my commitment does not show up in results – it is in the heart. However, the outcome is of great importance as well.
The Art of Silence
When you look up silence it gets associated with suppressing one’s voice. Not wanting someone to exercise their rights and so on. And this does stand in the since of how it has been misused in history and culture! But using it as an Art is serving a greater purpose…
Lately, the ability to be silent keeps showing up as a conversation I am having with others closest to me. What I have experienced about silence is it creates an awkward feeling for most in a room and internally. When I teach, students tend to just not answer, more than likely, they feel out of failure in not getting it right. But the uneasiness of the silence creates the stares around the room and the hesitation to respond even if the answer is correct, not just obtaining the perfect answer.
The conversations that I have been experiencing stem around the ability to stop the chatter in the head that causes anxiety and literally destroys the patience. The practice of silence for those who are artists, yours included, can lead to “do they like my work”, “it’s not good”, “maybe I need to change somethings” and so on before the response even comes. Silence doesn’t mean it’s not good. This continues to be the reason I practice meditation. I am one that can get the chatter in the midst of what seems to be a good nights sleep and be up for 2 hours. The practice of meditation has made me more comfortable with silence for self and the moment of silence from others. Currently, I am taking a Mindful Fundamentals course to further my understanding and practice to help others and hope to share more that I learn here.
Here is an article I found, written almost 4 years ago about The Art of Silence that breaks it’s use and benefits down pretty well.
Prior to that conversation during my residency, I’d only thought about silence as something to be enjoyed in solitude and avoided in the presence of others. Now I think about it as a tool I can use to make myself more effective at my job and more understanding of others, and thereby more compassionate, wiser, and happier. Just think how the world would be different if we all spent more time listening. At the very least, it would be a whole lot quieter.
We posted this article on our social media. And with the power of synchronicity, this is what I have been meditating on for the last week – #resilience. I think that with eh amount of #stress I keep hearing kids are having at such a young age, this may be one that they need to put in practice, along with their parents.
How important is resilience? It could have long-term health implications. A study published in the February 1, 2016, issue of Heart found that young men with low-stress resilience scores were 40% more likely to develop high blood pressure later in life. Read more here!
I hope everyone has a year filled with joy and grace! If you are like me, at times I take on more than I can get done. So this year…
“if it’s not on the agenda, we don’t talk about it.”
I realize that people inspire me, even fictional characters in films, that have stories of triumph.
Sunday, I saw the movie #Creed with Michael B Jordan and Sylvester Stallone. The tagline of the movie is very thought out by the wonderful storyteller, Ryan Coogler:
“Your legacy is more than your name.”
It was nostalgic as I remembered seeing the Rocky films, as a youth and that same inspiration of feeling someone determined to become what they imagined, resurfaced for me with Creed.
When you are inspired, that refreshing feeling and level of empowerment that rushes your body, can come with the same level of fear and doubt – how will I get this done? If I could bottle up the rush and empowerment and inhale it like the essential oil, lemongrass, I would! But as I age, I realize the execution of that inspiration requires you to surround yourself with those who believe in you, encourage and motivate you before you even tell them you are doubting what or how this “thing” will get done. It comes when it is suppose to. A word of encouragement sent via a text, a quote on social media, a story told by a friend of someone else blessing and even a fictional character is sometimes the pivot you need to get done what may have seemed impossible, then becomes possible.
Happy Sunday Everyone!
I took a 1 hour interactive lecture on how to manifest your desires and even your truth. One thing the lecturer offered is that one can not manifest something into their life if there is a blockage from past incidents, situations or persons that you have not resolved. These can cause a delay in the manifestation.
One example used was a young lady who wanted to manifest her mate. She gave a long list of what she wanted before we sat to meditate by walking through our manifestation. But the question posed to her on every thing she added ‘was this an issue in her life presently that hasn’t been resolved. Did she the last mate cheat? Did she deal with low self-esteem? Did the last person late financial resources due to drive?’
The exercise was one that made each of us in the room look at the present life we live in to assess why what we desire to manifest has not happened. It requires an ownership instead of blame. It’s the opportunity to see and be silent to know what and where you are now.
Why is this a word that has gained so much power? As I was in a coffee-house yesterday, owned by the wonderful author and pastor MarcBatterson, he has a new book coming out entitled IF. I thought to myself what a great word to explore, as it has so many underlining reasons as to why it has become even more powerful than ever. I believe that fear drives a person to say it, whether is stems from constantly being told they can not do something and/or taking this one by telling oneself that the current and sometimes future situation drives the IF…
I am not saying that this is an easy thing to conquer; and I know that has been a word I used more in my 40’s than ever allowing money to be my driver; verses in my 20’s and 30’s when I would just do it.
Here is a summary for the book that comes out in October:
That tiny two-letter word is the hinge on the door of possibilities. Some of us are stuck in if only, living lives marked by regret. But God can turn your if only regrets into a what if attitude, a faith that looks forward to the future with holy confidence. There are 1,784 ifs in the Bible. The most significant? “If God is for us, who can be against us?” It’s the game changer! God is always on our side—every day, in every way.
After an observation and interaction with a young woman, this Friday in a professional situation, I realized how people don’t take responsibility when they have not held up their end and are the leadership. But worsens the situation, when people find an opportunity in that moment to use someone else issue to take away from their contribution to the chaos.
One of the definitions of Responsibility
the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
If you take the definition and don’t talk about the accountability that comes with responsibility, it will let you know why many walk away without accountability.
Accountability – an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions
In my years personally and professionally, I have learned to learn in the moments when things are not handled at the best, whether it’s my fault or the other and admitting your contribution to the chaos. Most can respect when you step up and say “this was my fault” and offer how you are going to correct it or could improve the next time – being accountable. This does not mean there will not be some level of “tongue lashing” or consequences but very rare is the reaction and the bounce back from anger slow to surface or even subside – when there isn’t some other issue involved as well.
The ability to be teacher and participatory centered leader can make the difference when they are partnered together. The great collaboration of the two allows for the teacher to become an active participate who learns from the lesson as well; while he/she supports the learning, rather than just offering up the direction and walking away hoping the lesson is learned.
With this incident, the young woman walked away from participating in the lesson and didn’t take responsibility and accountability for her part; but did a wonderful job of passing on, speaking on and recounting the other sides issues.
How people learn is always a fascinating them to me and can make the difference and how character is or is not developed.
On LinkedIn, this week, a woman posed this question to a group of other women:
Why do women let fear drive them into staying with a job they hate instead of starting that business that they love?
With 399 comments, at least 50% were filled with the response about fear or they commented and fear was in their answer. Some felt it wasn’t fear but the security of letting go of the job and low self-esteem. Most of the women responding were in the 40 and older category, who seemed to be offering wisdom on the why with less excuses or reasons than others under 40.
I believe it comes down to self-doubt and security. Too often we are the only ones blocking ourselves from transitioning to a better place. When you are able to step out of your own way and quit holding yourself back, it is then that you truly have a breakthrough!
The point that made me most engaged and a bit pissed were the one’s that wanted to use “being a single mother” as why they can not start their own business. And I don’t agree that this is the reason, as I live in this world and I am an entrepreneur, but may be a challenge you face. Money can be a challenge in any business, whether you work or someone or own it. Family will always be a balancing act, whether you work for someone else or your self. But it you keep telling yourself that being a single mother accounts for having less than you deserve, I feel you do such a dis-service to yourself and others who are single mothers.
But what I do realize after 24 years in business, everyone isn’t meant to be an owner, and that is not a gender issue. Just have passion for whatever you are doing, that brings happiness and ultimately JOY!